My friends, they love my intelligence
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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