i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
