in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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