Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
