i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
