she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
