I don't usually arrange sex via text message
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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