ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
