Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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