im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
