I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
