im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
