Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
