ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
