So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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