end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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