I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
