I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
