Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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