What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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