She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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