it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
