mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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