I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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