My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
