If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
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I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
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I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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