Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
