i think i have herpe
just one?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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