I met the friendliest cop last night
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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