Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
