i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
vagina is talking i cant
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
