apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
