So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
