So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Randomize
