i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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