well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
