I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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