I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
