they need to just BURY HIM!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
