I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
