I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
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I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
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Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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