Your face is a jimmy john
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
