i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
