It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
