There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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