Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
