I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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