Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
