I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
