I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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