my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
