Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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