She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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