It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
