she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
