My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
