hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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