I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
