He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
