Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
