can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
