I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize