What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
