One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
