you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
