I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
