1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
