I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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