I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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