My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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