turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
