Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
