We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
