bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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