im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
