Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
