Got a toothbrush?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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