You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
