my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
