I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
