woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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