So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
