Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
