new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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