guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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