okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
