so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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